slug me in the mouth
put me

under
take this crown

it’s never like we needed titles
listing through the dark
candles long snuffed

pull needles to the face
stuck in eternal solitude;
finding you simply
cut
— out

[note: my jaw hurt when i woke up from having surgery yesterday. i took one prescribed Vicodin. I had several flash dreams & one extended dream when I finally passed out.]

the sea and the wind,
follow slowly to the shore;
questions in another language,
gestures and understanding eyes
say yes.

the boat and the waves,
the sun and the spray;
i saw you wave,
but i hid behind my escort,
wishing you not to see.

you were a child,
a time when i wished we’d known each other.
hide and seek,
losing you in a house
with which i was unfamiliar.

running through time,
holding hands with unfamiliar;
excellence.
i wish he could be real;

he is real.
just not here.

you,
you are neither.

That moment keeps playing in the front of my mind. Somehow looped eternally, mostly overlapping all the things that are currently taking place around me. Even when it’s faint and barely noticeable, it’s still there in the front keeping at least a bit of my attention. I have begun to wonder how long it will be until it fades, if it ever will.

It was dark, the only available light lingered from the streetlamp in the distance outside that peeked in through the drawn curtains. My eyes (nor anyone else’s, for that matter) are not good enough in the dark to have made out any sort of reliable image. Every aspect of this memory is completely fabricated, save for the words that wafted through the air.

Those few words. I remember them distinctly because you were the one saying them. I didn’t ask you for these words. I barely even suggested wanting you to say them, yet you did. They are not any words that are out of the ordinary when separate from each other, when distance keeps them apart.

“I’m going to kiss you goodnight.”

(Source: icatchfoxes)

[or a recollection gathered up while driving the 99-S, again. in no particular order:]

• It’s so much easier for me to wake up early in a room without blackout curtains.
• The danger is why it’s any fun.
• Never enough pizza.
• The trouble of recovering from an upper respiratory infection makes for a good reason to throw a tiny yellow box out the window.
• I need a better mattress; better sleep is worth it.
• I’m comfortable liking the things I like; even when others disagree. Guilty pleasures are kind of silly. As Hilary taught me: why should I feel guilty for something I legitimately like?
• I need more train rides, more plane rides, more bike rides, more rapid city walking…
• Why are hash browns so much better from a drive-thru window?
• Sometimes I just don’t care that my phone exists. 
• My hands make me vulnerable.
• I should send more postcards.
• That girl in the quirky glasses, bowler hat and oversized sweater HAD to have been Alexis Bledel. HAD TO HAVE BEEN.

(Source: icatchfoxes)