[m.olson]

I’ve been having these rolling feelings; like waves or gusts of wind. I recently decided to switch from running in the morning to running at night. By recently, I mean today. I ran once in the morning (when I was lucky enough to actually wake up early enough to make the temperature outside bearable for such activities).

I alternate running as hard as I can for as long as I can with fast-paced (read: power) walking. I find this makes for a more effective workout than just jogging for an hour. The route I take puts me on an underpass beneath railroad tracks. Tonight, I ran farther than I did when I ran in the morning, but was hesitant to turn around. I wanted to just run forever, as if it were something that would be a sustainable activity, albeit a cowardly one. Then, over the music in my headphones, I heard a train whistle in the distance. I didn’t stop to think how far away the tracks were, but luckily I did stop to make sure I wasn’t going to get hit by a car as I made a 180 back toward the underpass.

I wanted so badly to be beneath the crushing sound of the engine, the cars, the weight of it all. The railroad is the closest thing this city has to the sea, with its rhythm, motion and vast power. I wanted the sound to become syncopated with all the waves of feelings in my head, to balance it out, to get lost in it, for it to get lost in me…

I could see the train. I saw the headlight and the engine. I heard the sound grow as I approached. I was almost there. Then, just as it had arrived, the train was gone. The rushing stopped, the sound faded, the weight rolled onward. I stood and stooped down at the edge of the underpass and considered just staying there to wait for another train, another disaster, another ocean.

I think part of growing up is realizing that a lot of your dreams will come true if you want them to, but also that a lot of your dreams are likely outside your control. The ones that are outside your control are the dreams that you can’t hold onto or get discouraged by when they don’t work out. Those are the dreams that you can change, or they become the ones that make you forget about all the ones that are attainable. Those are the dreams that can be the downfall of everything else if you let them control you. When you realize that, it’s really hard for you to be sad about it. It isn’t hard to be disappointed, but being sad seems silly when it’s so easy to shift.

(Source: icatchfoxes)

It’s Tuesday morning and I’m still recovering from a rogue migraine attack. I can’t let that slow me down too much, though. I’ve got things to cross off my to-do list.

Later this week I have a meeting with several individuals that could make for a very exciting change in my life. I’m kind of over-the-moon, but cannot share with you why. Actually, that might be an exaggeration. I could probably share with you, but I choose not to out of fear brought on by some sort of superstitious attitude. (I’m not normally superstitious — anxious, yes. The closest I get to superstitious on a normal day is by having some Stevie coming through the speakers of the hi-fi.)

The reason I’m so jazzed is because it could mean exciting things for not only me, but also for TeamTeam. I’ve loved having a creative endeavor to be involved with that includes my boyfriend, Daniel. It’s been hard to keep up with though, with everything else going on in both of our lives. If this opportunity works out, it would be something beneficial to both of us individually as well as a way for us to expand upon our ideas concerning the collaborative project.

It’s like I said a few days ago: I’m making great strides toward an end goal that I gave myself 5 years to accomplish. I can’t believe something like this has presented itself so quickly. I’m trying not to get my hopes up, but either way it goes I think eventually it will work out. I’m only a few months into a 5-year plan and already several of my large goals are almost completed.

I hope to have more updates later this week, but for now all I can say is Thursday night is going to make me pretty anxious.

(Source: icatchfoxes)

This sentiment all started when recently a friend of mine (Ben) sent out a group message containing the following quotation:

“People are often unreasonable & self-centered. Forgive them anyway.
If you are kind, people may accuse you of ulterior motives. Be kind anyway.
If you are honest, people may cheat you. Be honest anyway.
If you find happiness, people may be jealous. Be happy anyway.
The good you do today may be forgotten tomorrow. Do good anyway.
Give the world the best you have & it may never be enough. Give your best anyway.

For you see, in the end, it is between you and God. It was never between you and them anyway.”

Mother Teresa

I was “unemployed” for approximately one week this year. Though this was a situation I’d never faced before and it was something that was difficult for me to process on many levels, I’m thankful for everything that has happened to me so far this year. What I can say I’m most appreciative for is the fact that I’ve had several jobs. I have immensely talented friends who are having trouble finding any job at all. They have many marketable skills, are friendly and willing to work hard, but just can’t seem to get the call back, the interview or the initial shot they need. I am blessed to have been able to find work that is not only engaging, but that I enjoy and am proud to be associated with.

In all of these events, I’ve been reminded that there are genuinely amazing individuals in this world. However, simultaneously, I again was forced to come to terms with the fact that negativity exists; I was tested and almost fell victim to becoming a bitter woman. This is a huge fear of mine: becoming negative, jaded or cynical. I enjoy my positive outlook and don’t feel that I’m being unrealistic, childish or naive. I have a healthy and upbeat outlook when it comes to the world around me. Sure, I have bad days where I want nothing to do with anyone. It’s also no secret that I have my fair share of opinions about things, but I do my best to give every individual the benefit of the doubt. Without question I will be the first to admit that this has gotten me in trouble, broken my heart in a few cases and caused me to question my beliefs a ridiculous number of times.

Putting that much trust in the world might seem silly. I don’t think I could live without believing that love exists, people aren’t all bad and things have the potential to be better than this. I can’t subscribe to the life view of everything is going downhill with no chance of any positive change. That’s not healthy. That’s not what I’m here for. You can believe whatever you want, but I’m not going to just follow suit. 

I sit here on a Saturday with a pile of things to get done in front of me, and I’m glad. Every task I have set in front of me is something I can honestly say fills me with at least a slight bit of passion.

It’s overwhelming when I think about it. I’m not even 25 and I’ve already got big plans for myself. Not only that, but I’m actually taking the steps I need to get there. Things are going well, and I’m really astonished how smoothly things are going. It’s exciting and scary all at once… For now, I just keep going.

(Source: icatchfoxes)

So let me preface this little snippet with a little background information: I’ve rarely been able to sustain meaningful relationships with females.

Twice this week I’ve been lucky enough to spend time with the amazingly dynamic (and colorful) duo consisting of Aurora & Jenn. These ladies are best friends and both amazingly talented artists. I’ve known of Aurora’s work for several years, but Jenn is a more recent addition to my list of inspirations. Both of them have great work ethic and aspire to live their dreams in their everyday. It’s really an amazing thing to see playing out before your eyes.

At both of our meetings, we engaged in meaningful conversation that consisted of many topics including (but not limited to) the hit television program Daria, Barbie (the doll), fashion, pop music, travel, art shows, tea, stone fruit, the ability of Americans to discount the polka dot (and bows), tattoos, etcetera… We stood in line for food tonight for almost 2 hours (at an amazingly delightful food truck — Dusty Buns) and the time barely even registered with me. I met several other local ladies who have equally colorful personalities (One of whom reminded me of Kathy Griffin, and I wasn’t afraid to inform her. Luckily, she took it as a compliment.) and we had a lovely picnic on a beautiful blanket in the grass. It wasn’t a big planned thing, the time and location were just mentioned and several gathered to pass some time together. It was lovely.

What I’m really getting at here is that these are some high quality females.

(Source: icatchfoxes)

That’s how into cats I am. I am taking a road trip to a place that’s name translates to “the cats.”

ALRIGHT. I’ve called my mom, she knows. Now you can know too.

Yesterday I was officially hired to be a graphic designer/photographer/illustrator/copy writer by a woman named Suzanne. She’s constantly saying she doesn’t want to grow up, and honestly, I LOVE THAT. She signs emails with “cheers.” She bought me a cupcake at our first meeting and we decided that it’s definitely the best signing bonus I’ve ever recieved (considering I’ve never gotten a signing bonus before, this one wins. Seriously though? A cupcake? That’s a pretty awesome signing bonus to this 24-year-old.)

The coolest part about this job is that I will get to work on projects that have a positive impact on the community on a regular basis. Projects for non-profits and organizations that help people.

I’m sure your next questions are: “What’s your office like? Is it totally swank?” Well, truth be told I’d have to say my office is amazing, because it’s my house. (It’s also this really great shared 24-hour co-work space down the street called The Hashtag, but that’s it’s own other thing altogether.) So, sometimes my office will be a photoshoot, sometimes it will be a coffee shop, and other times it will be my couch with gilmore girls in the background or turntable.fm in another tab.

I’ll still be interning with Picture Fresno and doing a bit of freelance, but I’m glad to be back to having a full-time schedule.

I’m pretty jazzed about all of this, if that wasn’t obvious.

(Source: icatchfoxes)