I’ve realized recently that I always do better when I’m focused on someone else. Not in an unhealthy way, but being invested in the well-being of others kind of way. Really engaging in friendships and fostering a connection is something I forgot was essential to my personal being.
I’m currently finishing a project for a friend that should have been completed prior to valentines day. I feel awful to have put it off so long, but am glad I’ll be able to deliver it in person this weekend on my way to the sea. I’m even going to drive across one of those awful bridges in a car by myself and not be afraid. Yes: I’m going to overcome one of my biggest fears by just going for it.
Last weekend was so nice. I’m so lucky to have friends like the ones I spent time with from Thursday-Sunday. I can’t thank those individuals enough. Several of them have become some of my dearest friends over the last year, and I’m lucky to know them.
I’ve been doing my best to be a more reflective listener recently, in an attempt to rid myself of one of my least-favorite qualities: telling people how to feel. It’s somewhat of an acquired attribute, based on the way I was spoken to growing up, but that’s what makes it all the worse. It took me this long to realize I was doing something that I dislike, and even longer to do something about it. I have Katie to thank for helping me realize it’s not to late to improve this aspect of my personality, and she did it without even making me feel bad.
I’m taking more photos and writing a lot. I’m spending time in cars and with new people and trying new things. I’m sitting quietly and eating at restaurants alone. I’m traveling and making plans and changing goals and shifting perspectives.
I guess this is what happens when you let yourself be whatever it is you are: you stop worrying so much. It’s okay to be sad or to be happy or to dance or to cry. It’s okay to say no. It’s okay to fail at something. It’s okay to be scared and to just say what you mean.
Every day the best times are when I’m completely focused on something that has nothing to do with me. I could think about myself all day if I didn’t remember that. How boring would that be, to only think about me? There are so many fascinating people in the world and so many things to see and do. Which is why today I bought flowers for a stranger, walked up to a door I’d never seen before and delivered a message that a friend could not.